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Sunday, 26 January 2014

51 Alok Nath Jokes....

1. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That dogs at his house also do not bark. They say "bowji, bowji"!!

2. AlokNath BBM Pin is 5AN5KAR !
     Add him now and get blessed!!

3. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That he colses his eyes when he takes a bath!!

4. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    that he was born at the age of 65!!

5. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
   That he cuts mathura ke pede on        his birthday!!

6. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That when he was born, the doctors     said "BADHAI HO BABUJI HUE             HAIN"!!

7. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
   That he went to Vrindavan for his      honeymoon!!

8. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That he went to Vaishono Devi for       his Bachelor's party with his family!!

9. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That when he heard the song "Gandi Baat", he put gangaajal  in his ears!!

10.Alok Nath is so sanskari 
     That he brought a new phone and broke a coconut on it!!

11. Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That he uses haldi and chandan flavoured condoms!!

12.Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That he went to SUNBURN and did surya namaskar!!

13.Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That he bunked college lectures to attend his daughter's wedding!!

14.Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That he smokes agarbattis!!

15.Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That he buys newspaper just to read the matrimonials!!

16.Alok Nath is so sanskari 
    That when he walks into a bar, the bar walks out!!

17.Akeli ladkiyan sabse jyada Alok Nath ji se ghabrati hai
    kahin pakar k kanyadaan na kar de!!

18.Alok nath is so sanskari 
    that Ganga maiya comes to his backyards for daily recharge!!

19.The only two wars Alok Nath has seen in his life is - Haridwar and Parivaar

20. Alok Nath CV reads as :-
     Degree - MBA in Kanyadaan
     Skills - Sanskaar
     Hobby - Giving Ashirwaads

21.In school days Alok Nath bunked a lecture to listen Ramkatha.

22.Alok Nath has never received salary, he always gets pension.

23.Alok Nath belives in ashirwad at first sight.

24.Alok Nath carried Hanuman chalisa to school instead of notebook.

25.Alok Nath reads all indian are my brothers and sisters as all indian are my samdhis and samdhans

26.Alok Nath eats prasad as starters.

27.Alok Nath was the first person to call Parle as Parle G

28.Alok Nath wants facebook to add 'Ashirwaad' button.

29.Alok Nath has 0 friends because he always turns "dosti into rishtedari"

30.Alok Nath removes his slippers before playing Temple Run and distribute prasad after crossing each level

31.Alok Nath WhatsApp shows "Last doing Kanyadaan at"

32.Alok Nath is someone who is worried about kanyadaan of the girl who is yet to be born

33.Honey Singh : Party All night
Alok Nath : Aarty all night!!

34.Alok Nath : Arohi
    Arohi : Kya
    Alok Nath : Kuch Nhi, bus apna kanyadaan mujhse he karwana

35.Honey Singh : Choti Dress mei bomb laagdi meinu
    Alok Nath : Choti Dress mei thand lag jayegi beti!!

36. Hone waali Saas: Kya aapki beti mein Sanskar hain?
      Beti ka Baap: Ha... Humari Beti "Alok Nath 9001:420" Certified hai ji!!

37. Once Alok Nath was sent to jail by police for illegal kanyadaan...

and made him grind the wheat.. . . since then the flour is known asASHIRWAD AATA.

38.Alok Nath got a watchman's job and was all night heard calling out "jeetey rahooooo" as he took his rounds.

39.Once alok nath ate chiken tanduri by mistake .....aftr tht he done prayashcit by doing 100 kanyadan in 1 day

40. Alok Nath goes to KFC to eat his favorite ‘Gaajar ka Halwa’.

41. Air hostess to Alok Nath : kya lenge?
     Alok Nath - Puri,sabji,khir,laddu aur Mathura ke Pede.
     Air hostess-Sir, aap kingfisher k plane me baithe ho,     Vijay mallya k shraadh me nahi... 

42. The most sanskaari elements in chemistry...
      Alluminium (Al)
      Oxygen (O)
      Potassium (K)
      Sodium (Na)
      Thorium (Th)

43. Ab bhikari bhi aise bhikh maangte hain,
     "Aloknath ke naam pe kuch dedo Samdhiji"
     Bhikh milne par kehte hain
     "Aloknath ka Aashirwad tum par hamesha bana rahe"
     Aur bhikh naa milne par kehte hain,
     "Jao, Aloknath tumhari beti ka Kanyadaan kabhi nahin karega"

44 .The full form of ALOK is - A Lot Of Kanyadans.

45. AlokNath caught a thief..he took him to mata ki chowkie instead of police      chowkie!

46.Sunny Leonne to Alok Nath : Hum Tum ek kamare me bandh ho.. or chabi       kho jaye...
    To kya karenge...????
    Alok Nath : Havan karenge, Havan karenge, Havan karenge.

47. Bahu: I am going to supermarket.
     Aloknath: Take my sanskaar.
     Bahu: Ab baas bhi karo.
     Aloknath: Arre I mean my son’s car.

48. friend: ek OLD MONK leke aa na.
        Alok Nath goes all the way to tibet to bring dalai lama for his friend. 

49. Alonath ji ne bachpan me ek ldke ko aashirwad deke ek book apne hontho se chum krdi aur wo bcha aaj mark zukerberg k naam se jana jata he aur wo book facebook hai

50. When Alok Nath farts it smells like aggarbatti

51. When Alok Nath goes to hotel he orders "SHAGUN KI THALI"

Friday, 10 January 2014

India & Her Daughters

With rape cases, dowry deaths, acid attacks and assault incidents against women hogging the headlines everyday in India, safety is among the top concerns for women residing in the country and the tourists.

Today's India offers a lot of opportunities to women, with women having a voice in everyday life, the business world as well as in political life. 

Nevertheless India is still a male dominated society, where women are often seen as subordinate and inferior to men.

Some known and unknown facts about India and the women in India.

Women In India Today:

  • According to the recent researches the current sex ration in India is 933 females per 1000 males.
  • The female literacy rate is 54.16%.
  • According India’s constitution, women are legal citizens of the country and have equal rights with men (Indian Parliament)
But what we get to see in reality
  • According to the National Crime Records Bureau, 24,206 rape cases were reported in India in 2011, but experts agree that the number of unreported cases of sexual assault brings the total much higher.
  • According to Indian National Crime Record Bureau, in 2010, 8391 dowry death cases were reported across India This means a bride was burned every 90 minutes, or dowry issues cause 1.4 deaths per year per 100,000 women in India.
  • Women and Girls in the country are trafficked for sexual exploitation and forced marriages. India is also a destination for Girls Trafficked from Nepal and Bangladesh.

Statistics from National Crime Records Bureau's Crime in India 2012 report plotted on a map of India to highlight which Indian states have the highest rate of crime against women. 

The rate of crime against women means the number of crimes against women per one lakh population of women. The statistics from the 2011 Actual Census (Provisional) women population have been used to calculate the crime rate.(Source : ibnlive)

The below map shows the picuture of crime occurs against women in India.

According to the statistics, Nagaland is the safest state in India for women, while its neighbour Assam is the most unsafe state.

Sikkim & Goa are the second and third safest hubs for women as they have lowest crime rate against women.

The Indian society has undergone a transformation after the much discussed, December 16 gang-rape case.Condemning the gang rape and murder of a 23-year-old woman in the capital of the World's biggest democratic country has come as an eye opener for the nation. Even though women's safety has become a very common and most discussed topic in the last 1 year things have not changed much.

One of the current survey claimed , despite a slew of measures taken by police to ensure safety of women working in night shifts, nearly 73 per cent of them still feel insecure in all major hubs of economic activities across the country.
(Source : Indian Express)

The Times of India report notes, "Delhi Police data reveals that the number of rape cases have doubled from 642 in 2012 to 1,472 up to October, 2013. Molestation cases have increased from 612 in 2012 to 3,182 in 2013 while eve-teasing cases have increased from 125 last year to 850 this year."

Few successful Indian women who have made it big and are well known personalities in the current world,

  • Saina Nehwal, Badminton Player
  • Chitra Ramakrishna, Joint MD, National Stock Exchange
  • Ekta Kapoor, Joint MD, Balaji Telefilms
  • Reshma Shetty, Managing Director, Matrix India Entertainment Consultants
  • Kiran Mazumdar Shaw, Chairman and MD, Biocon
  • Shikha Sharma, CEO, Axis Bank
  • Aishwarya Ray Bachchan, Former Miss World & Indian Film Actress
  • Chanda Kochhar, MD, CEO, ICICI Bank
  • Vinita Bali MD, Britannia Industries
  • Vanitha Narayanan, MD, IBM India
  • Naina Lal Kidwai, President, FICCI & Country Head, HSBC
  • Rakhee Kapoor, Business Manager, Yes Bank
  • Sreya Ghosal,Indian Playback singer
  • Roshni Nadar Malhotra, CEO, HCL Corporation
  • Zahabiya Khorakiwala, MD, Wockhardt Hospitals
  • Kirthiga Reddy, Head, Facebook India
  • Neelam Dhawan, MD, Hewlett Packard India